As a father of 4, it is without argument that I am way ahead of the TFR issue we are trying to fix in Singapore.
I’m not the only one. There was a family in the recent news about partitioning their place so their 4 kids have a room of their own.
Two of my soccer buddies have 4 too. And who can forget that civil servant with 8 kids.
It would seem like a no brainer to just round us OGs up, put us in a room to distil why we had so many kids (or never learn to use a condom) but I don’t see that happening.
We are instead getting someone who is childless to helm our supposed rethink on family construct. Look, I have no issue with someone with zero lived experience trying to tackle a problem purely based on what one can learn from textbook. For all we know, they can do a better job.
But if I have to choose between a former army general versus a rail veteran to helm SMRT, my money is always on the latter.
The problem is simple guys. It is whether we want to acknowledge it. Ask any couples if they want to have kids or not and their instinctive reply is no. Why so? Don’t look far. Look at this photos of my wife when our kids were still young.
They say weeks can happen in years and for us, years happen in weeks. Look closer and you would realised her soul has left her body.
Anyone who tells you they can balance relationship, kids, career, hobbies, etc likely have money to pay for helper and sometime helpers.
Right now there is zero instance someone would look at me as a father of four and think to themselves: “I would want to be like Adrian”.
Because, why the fuck for?
For the fact that my finance is a mess because apparently caring for kids means paying everything for them until they start a career in their early 20s. Something clearly the government thinks otherwise as financial support ends when kids turn 10.
I need to buy a bigger house (current one is not big enough) because of crowd control. Given the recent lifting of the 15 months waiting period for private home owners, I’ve decided to check out my options for public flats in Pasir Ris.
I filtered my search for the biggest space thinking it should still be worth it. The #1 listing for Pasir Ris is a EM at 2000+ sqf listing for 1.5M.
1.5M!
And truly, the logistics of kids are best done with your own vehicle. It’s because of that, I could fetch my kids from school occasionally and hang out. Sometimes nearby, sometimes at the zoo during off peak when there’s no crowd but us.
Alas, I don’t need to tell you how much COE is right now. If I’m single or have no kids, I would have stuck with public transport.
The part that hits me the most is when it is close to the end of school holidays. With 4 kids, I have 4x the number of Parents Gateway notifications. Usually more than the emails I get on work.
And don’t even get me on tabao food for them. One wants economic rice, one wants carrot cake, another wants Chee Cheong fun and the last wants BCM no chilli. So I have to queue 4 times.
Tell me, which part of such life would make a couple think that the other side of the fence is greener? My side has no grass. Just sand.
So the fix here is easy. What are things that need to be done so couples will actually be envious of couples with kids.
As the saying goes, if a problem can be fixed with money, it isn’t a problem.
And money, Singapore has a lot. So here is my list of what needs to be done to truly turn the situation around.
Everything discount card. Think Merdeka card but given to parents with 3 kids and above. It will apply an across the board discount for everything they buy, from groceries to petrol.
Priority queue. Not just at USS but everything from your favourite Michelin BCM, the next Blackpink concert and preferred primary schools.
1 x COE. Once you hit 4 kids, keep an eye out for a COE in your mailbox. Since this is Singapore, we are always concerned about abuse. So you only get one non-transferable cert and it only applies to MPV.
Guaranteed NDP tickets. The ones ensuring Singapore continue to live on and consequently ensure foreign imports be low are not celebrated at NDP? But no parents contingent please. Our weekends are already full without weekly rehearsals.
VIP parking. Very Important Parent. Right at the entrance, engine idling, hazard lights blinking, like you’re picking up a minister. Or just let us use the handicap lot since we do have a handicap in our quality of life.
One queue at the hawker centre for parents ordering 4 different things. Economic rice, carrot cake, chee cheong fun, BCM no chilli, one line, one auntie, no more explaining twice that the chilli was a hard no.
And the most power move: legislate that all dependants have to financially support thier parents oncr they are drawing an income. Deduction will be managed by CPF board and the monies go straight to the parents’ CPF account. More kids = more contribution.
None of this fixes the TFR overnight. But my neighbours might finally look twice.
Well said. I salute you for making it to four. We wanted four or five but couldn’t make it past three.
I sometimes wonder if all the baby bonus and other benefits that get thrown at us are because the government doesn’t really think beyond the first level - “baby expensive = make cheaper” while missing the status and culture aspect that you are hitting on.
I’ve never met someone who said “baby bonus too small to have kids!” Instead it’s because all their friends don’t have kids, they don’t like how it would change their life, they have a certain lifestyle, etc… But all of this is status signalling. It’s not set in stone.
All the benefits you list out would be awesome but I’d prefer not to see people who have kids just to get a COE. 😅
That said, I wonder what would happen if all our Ministers had at least 3 kids. If it was a requirement to run for government office.
Until the status narrative shifts to “more kids = high status” I doubt we will see any change no matter how much we “pay”. Though I will happily take anything offered. The desert is lonely…
Looking forward to your next posts!